she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
