I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
