if you like me you must not know who I am
nutella sex= disaster
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
