Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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