Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
