Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize