he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
cat food counts as protein by the way
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
