Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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