Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
