Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
