So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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