bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
