YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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