Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
