Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
