I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
