There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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