Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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