He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
