I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
