Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
