I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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