you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
