Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Randomize
