I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
