Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize