My boss' voice literally gives me gas
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
