remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
