Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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