fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
