I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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