It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
