I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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