Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
