I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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