Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
