I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
