Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
