I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
cat food counts as protein by the way
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
