I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
