my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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