Whoa Z and x make the same sound
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
