I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
