UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
This is my life. Enjoy the view
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
