Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
