Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
