All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
