i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
