If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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