I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize