I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
