If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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