I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
