I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
