I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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