What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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