I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
