i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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