her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
