in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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