WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
