Are we in a gay sports bar?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
