the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
