Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
