You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
