i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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