Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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