oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize