my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
