My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
