dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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