I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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