Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
