I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize