Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
