im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Come on in and take your pants off
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