Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
