Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
