I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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