I wish I could punch you in the face.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
