you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
