i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
