my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
