I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
