This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
