you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
