My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
