I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
