Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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