I got chris browned last night
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
