Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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