I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
