How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
