I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
