i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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