The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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