When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
