people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
