She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize