I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
