my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
