I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
