I just pynch a tree in the face
She tied me up with her honor cords...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
