ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
