so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
