from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize