Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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