I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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