The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
