The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
