is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We don't watch enough power rangers
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
