pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
