remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize