If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
