Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
