Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
this hospital has no fireball
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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