Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
