2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
if i can run in heels then i can drive
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
