Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
