Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
my shit smells like andre
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Randomize
